Atkins? Paleo? South Beach Diet? Who needs 'em?

Lazlo

TB Lurker
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I'm coming out with my own program that should help Sysco with their recruiting problems AND improve overall fitness in this nation.
The secret? It's called the Sysco Workout/Strep throat diet.

I'm going to summon the spirit of the Oxi-Clean guy because he's the only one who can do this justice:

Want to build muscles you never even knew you had?! Without going to the gym?!
Want to lose those unsightly bulges but are tired of diets that are too restrictive or just don't work?!
Now you can have the body you've always dreamed of in just four EASY steps!!

1) Get a job at Sysco.
2) Simple. EASY. Workouts of ONLY lifting 1000 cases a day, for ONLY60 hours a week. That's right folks! Only. 60. Hours. A. Week. You'll build a base of muscle that'll make men jealous and women swoon! Trainer schmrainer. You won't need one to keep you motivated because you'll have someone calling you several times a day asking why you aren't at such and such catering yet even though you're actually running ahead of schedule.
3) Pick a week when you're made to slip-seat because the shop moved your tractor to a shuttle location so they could rotate the off-site tractors in for service.
4) The tractors you're given will no doubt be filthy which is perfect for what has to happen next. Throw that bottle of hand sanitizer out the window and do your best to catch a raging case of strep from one of the other dirty buggers you work with. DON'T BE SHY! Lick that steering wheel! That toilet seat! Hell, open mouth kiss that toothless fella at the BBQ joint! (seriously it ain't worth eating unless one person behind the counter is missing most or all of their teeth)

After 2-3 days of not wanting to eat or drink anything at all you'll smile smugly while you watch ALL those extra pounds and ALL that useless water weight melt away exposing those glorious muscles beneath! Not enough you say? If you really want to go that extra mile then be too stubborn and wait a day or two AFTER showing symptoms before going to the Dr. You'll really FEEL THE BURN! Without ever setting foot in a gym! Added bonus: Your family will get to join the fun too!

Disclaimer: If you follow this program and die during the fat loss phase please don't sue Lazlo.

Haven't hardly gotten out of bed in 2days and not planning to tomorrow either. Tired. Bored. Feverish.Everything aches. But at least my kids WON'T STOP FIGHTING in the other room! Getting old stinks. I miss being young. If I got sick I could just pop a Day-Quil and go in, I could stay out most of the night and work fine on next to no sleep. Now the last few years I sometimes catch myself going to bed while the sun's still up "just because" and it seems like every time I catch something at work or my kids bring something home from school it just floors me.
 
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