Blonds with Pigs

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by RacerX69, May 18, 2014.

  1. RacerX69

    RacerX69 Retired Gear Jammer/IBEW Retired/Wingnut

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    I'll drink to that!

    I just shared this with my little sister.

    And for once she actually agreed with me.

    I think I need to make this moment a holiday of something. Agreeing with me is something my little sister has never done.

    Ever.

    And she has been disagreeing with me for her entire 56 years. She probably even disagreed with me from the womb.

    One more thing.

    My little sister is not a blonde.
     
  2. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Professional Flummoxer

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    Bet she was once....'less she's a raidhead.
     
  3. RacerX69

    RacerX69 Retired Gear Jammer/IBEW Retired/Wingnut

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    Nope.

    Her hair has always been the same color, brunette, and almost always been long. She has never fussed with all that stuff that women do to make themselves look "pretty". She has very nice "natural beauty", and doesn't need to cake on all that crap that many women do.
     
  4. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Professional Flummoxer

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    In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you:

    "Dear Lord: The last year has been very tough. You have taken my favorite actor - James Garner; my favorite actress - Lauren Bacall; my favorite Comedian - Robin Williams, and finally, my favorite author -Tom Clancy. I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are:Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. Amen"
     
  5. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LAST

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    she may go before any of 'em....!!!!
     
  6. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Professional Flummoxer

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    Ain't that the truth.
     
  7. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    Either way, she wins....:)
     
  8. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Professional Flummoxer

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    It's a shame you must lose in order to win.
     
  9. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    Being LAST makes you a winner too...
     
  10. RacerX69

    RacerX69 Retired Gear Jammer/IBEW Retired/Wingnut

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    No, I am LAST!
     
  11. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Professional Flummoxer

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    Felix, a Newfie logger, travels across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean.

    *

    He arrives in Nanaimo and likes it so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.*


    Felix goes to the local MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger.

    *

    It's his lucky day. Mac-Blo is looking for an experienced logger.

    *

    The personnel manager asks Joe, the grumpy bush foreman, to verify Felix's logging experience.

    *

    *

    Joe drives Felix into the forest, stops the truck on the side of the road, and points at a tree.

    He says,*"See that tree over there? What is the species and how many board feet of lumber does it have?"

    *

    *

    Felix replies,*"Dat dere's a Sitka Spruce and she got 383 board feet a' lumber in 'er."

    *

    Joe is impressed. He drives a mile down the road and stops. He points at a tree and asks the same question.

    *

    *

    *

    Felix replies,*"Lord tunderin'jasus b'y! Dat's yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet."

    *

    Joe is really impressed. Felix answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!

    *

    One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and Joe stops at the side of the road.

    *

    Joe points to a tree and asks,*"And what about that one?"

    *

    *

    *

    Felix replies,*"A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at most."

    *

    Joe spins the truck around and heads back to the office.

    *

    He is annoyed because Felix is smarter than he is.

    *

    Then he stops the truck and asks Felix to step outside.

    *

    Joe hands Felix a piece of chalk and says,*"I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree over there."

    *

    ***

    *

    As Felix runs towards the tree Joe mumbles to himself,*"Idiot! How would he know the front of a tree?"

    *

    Felix reaches the tree, walks around it and looks the tree up and down.

    *

    Then he then reaches up and places a white X on the side that faces the road.

    *

    *

    He runs back to the truck and hands the chalk to Joe.

    *

    Felix says,*"Dat's da front a' dat tree fer sure."****************************

    *

    Joe laughs sarcastically and asks,*"How in hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"

    *

    Cleaning the toe of his left boot in the gravel, Felix replies,*"Cuz someone took a sh#t behind it!"
     
  12. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    Man, those Canadian accents can be tough...
     
  13. RacerX69

    RacerX69 Retired Gear Jammer/IBEW Retired/Wingnut

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    Ya, that's what its all aboot, eh?
     
  14. xeastend

    xeastend Active Member

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    An old timer is in a bar. Bragging about being a woodworker all his life. How he can tell a species of wood.

    Blind folded and by just smelling it. Ok say the patrons, lets test him.

    First is a 2x4 . Old timer declares. That hemlock framing lumber.

    Next an old piece of cabinet. That is white oak. Probably from Canada.

    Decking. The old guy sniffs, asks to have the board turned over.

    Almost got me. Old growth redwood.

    Not they take the barmaid. Put her hoo haa to his nose.'

    He is sniffing. Turn it over please.

    Now her posterior is in his nose. Sniff sniff.

    Old timer thinks, then he's got it.

    Declares That is a crap house door off a tuna boat
     
  15. RickyRicardo

    RickyRicardo Active Member

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    Take my wife, please
     

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