Farting

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by FLOUNDER, Dec 8, 2013.

  1. FLOUNDER

    FLOUNDER I am LAST

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    :eck13:Do you fart in bed ? This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in……......
     
  2. bigbird42368

    bigbird42368 Super Moderator Staff Member

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    very very old story, i have herd a version a little different but is hilarious
     
  3. ABFer

    ABFer Well-Known Member

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    One Thanksgiving holiday I was traveling and had da *****. I stopped at the welcome center, which was packed due to holiday traffic. Fortunately for me there was a vacant stall and I took my seat. I had this feeling, this humongous pressure within and I knew I was holding something special, something phenomenal. But I had this battle deep within. Do I release this in a moderate, controlled manner and make it last as long as I can or do I push and give it the shotgun blast? Either way this was going to be a memorable moment for all, I could just tell. I opted for the full throttle blast and kaboom off she went. I'm telling ya this was the Hiroshima of the welcome center for the decade. The whole place broke up "Jesus Ca rist" one uttered while others just bust a gut laughing. The guy in the stall next to me tried hard to contain himself but I could hear him chuckling over there as I sighed with relief, "aaaa that felt good". Now a little known fact is that when air goes into that bowl it has to come out and it is cold and clammy. If ya know what I mean.
     
  4. bigbird42368

    bigbird42368 Super Moderator Staff Member

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    i will not be visiting this thread any more, i just threw up in mouth a little
     
  5. Big Dave

    Big Dave What?! A low bridge and boardwalk at same time?!!

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    I leave hotel toilets in shock and awe after a Vegas buffet...:)
     
  6. Cerberus_Kelpie

    Cerberus_Kelpie Well-Known Member

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    FLOUNDER remains in LAST place, while Big Dave is chasing him. :bouncy:
    Thank You FLOUNDER.
    CHEERS!!
     
  7. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    i fart in bed

    i fart while on the toilet

    i fart when i am eating

    i fart when i am driving

    i fart when i am shopping

    i fart in the elevator

    i fart when i am typing this up





    the smell doesn't bother me.








    but the looks i get from some people, really pisses me off....
     

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