FedEx jokes

Discussion in 'Fedex Freight' started by Dick Dastardly, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. Dick Dastardly

    Dick Dastardly Drat, Double Drat, and Triple Drat!

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    In order to inject some light hearted humor into this thread, let's hear your best Fedex jokes. I'll start:

    One Monday morning the Fedex man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

    "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the Fedex man comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild." "Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The Fedex man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and with only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The Fedex man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded. "Your name came up seven times..."
     
  2. Dick Dastardly

    Dick Dastardly Drat, Double Drat, and Triple Drat!

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    Two Lebanese-American FedEx Ground drivers over $60 million by a jury in connection with a discrimination suit. Edgar Rizkallah and Kamil Issa claimed that their manager regularly referred to them as "camel jockeys," "terrorists" and, most hurtful of all, as "UPS colored."
     
  3. Dick Dastardly

    Dick Dastardly Drat, Double Drat, and Triple Drat!

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    Well I guess the last one wasn't a joke per se, but I got tickled at the UPS color line.
     
  4. FLOUNDER

    FLOUNDER I am LAST

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    FedEx Joke
    A joke that you don't understand until the day after it's been told.
    Guy: *tells a joke*

    dude: I don't get it.

    Guy: It's a FedEx joke, you'll get it tomorrow.

    Dude: whatever.

    The next day

    Dude: Oh, now I get it! That's a funny joke!
     
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  5. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    I'm on the Economy service...takes me a couple of days to get it...that's why I'm LAST.
     
  6. Redracer3136

    Redracer3136 BANNED

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    I'm on a rail can, takes me a couple of weeks to get it...that's why I stay in LAST!! :1036316054:
     
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  7. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member

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    I'm OFFENDED,I'm OFFENDED!!!, Bet I beat someone to that!
     
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  8. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member

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    No wonder the mails so slow! Flounder s always LAST
     
  9. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    I still don't get it. Does that make me last or just ******? von.
     
  10. Ump

    Ump Big Dave's and Billy Lo's love child.

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    Well played.. Proud to call you dad!!!
     
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  11. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    I have one.... fedex ground trucks. .... now only allowed to go 65 period. Even if the speed limit is 70 or more. ... fedex ground the rolling road block of 2017.
     
  12. Richard Cranium

    Richard Cranium Well-Known Member

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    FedEx Freight Ca is the rolling road block of all time!
    Truck speed limit is 55 and we get paid by the hour. End of story.
     
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  13. Richard Cranium

    Richard Cranium Well-Known Member

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    So this old Viking driver (now FedEx) is on his way to his layover point. The sun has only been up a little while and his eyes are burning something fierce and he just wants to wash his face. A rest area is just ahead and it's a sight for seriously sore eyes. He parks and starts walking to the restrooms and as he approaches the door, he can hear the hand dryer running. No big deal he thinks, so he opens the door and starts to walk in. There in front of the hand dryer is a young man, that upon seeing someone walking in, immediately makes motions suggesting that he is sticking something back in his pants and zipping them up. The young man couldn't get out the door fast enough.
    The old Viking driver washed his face and laughed his ass off the rest of the way.

    Shudder to think what that kid's first blow job would have been like if that hand dryer had been one of those xcelerators.
     
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  14. truckingBORED

    truckingBORED Your Huckleberry

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    Where the heck does a Richard Cranium layover, anyway?
     
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  15. Richard Cranium

    Richard Cranium Well-Known Member

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    Oh, this was back in the olden days, pre fixing of the West when we were still a real trucking company. 95% or more runs were laydowns. Worked quite well, our profit sharing checks came eleven months a year and were very nice.
     
  16. Redracer3136

    Redracer3136 BANNED

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    The Xcelerators they installed in CLT blow cold air...my guess is that the kid would've been highly disappointed!!
     
  17. Richard Cranium

    Richard Cranium Well-Known Member

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    Or severely damaged.
     
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  18. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    I hope said Viking driver dried his face with PAPER towels....:17142:
     
  19. BIG R GUY

    BIG R GUY COOP Dispatch GPS Division

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  20. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member

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    Hope the Hat has side skirts and chin strap.
     

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