Joke Thread

Discussion in 'YRC Freight' started by Wrench97, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. Wrench97

    Wrench97 Well-Known Member

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    Might as well get it started

    A Homeless Man's funeral . . .

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
    director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He
    had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the
    Kentucky back country.

    As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
    a typical truck driver, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an
    hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse
    was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they
    were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went
    to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already
    in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I
    played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and
    friends.

    I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I
    played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept,
    we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started
    for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,
    "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in
    septic tanks for twenty years."



    Apparently I'm still lost....
     
    Skypilot, ripper, ROLLBACK and 2 others like this.
  2. mudman1

    mudman1 Member

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  3. Mango710

    Mango710 Can I Bite Bill Zollars!!

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    I DON'T ALWAYS HATE PEOPLE
    [​IMG]
    BUT WHEN I DO, THEY ARE YRC CEO'S !!!!!!!
     
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  4. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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  5. Jay C

    Jay C Banned

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    Spaghetti Banned

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  7. markp

    markp New Member

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    the only sound worse than a bagpipe is 2 bagpipes!!!!
     
  8. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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  9. markp

    markp New Member

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  10. mustache

    mustache Well-Known Member

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    Getting Old

    Two medical students were walking in the park, when they saw an old man walking along slowly, stiff legged, with his legs spread apart.

    One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

    The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

    Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what you have?"

    The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

    The first student said, "I think you have Peltry Syndrome."
    The old man said, "You thought - but you thought wrong."

    The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
    The old man said, "You thought - but you thought wrong."

    So they asked him, "Well, old timer, just exactly what DO you have?"

    The old man said, "Well, I thought it was just a fart - but I thought wrong
     
  11. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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  12. Jay C

    Jay C Banned

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  13. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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  14. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  15. mustache

    mustache Well-Known Member

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    Pants
    and Panties


    Mike
    was going to be married to Karen
    so his Father sat him down
    for a little chat.

    He said, 'Mike, let me tell you
    something.
    On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I
    took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here,
    try these on.''

    She did and said, 'These are too big.
    I can't wear them.'

    I replied, 'Exactly.. I
    wear the pants in
    this family and I always will.'



    Ever
    since that night, we have
    never had any problems.



    'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good
    thing to try.

    On his honeymoon, Mike took off his
    pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..'

    She tried them on and said, 'These are too large.
    They don't fit me.'


    Mike
    said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
    and I always
    will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

    Then Karen
    took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said,
    'Here, you try on mine..'

    Mike did and said,
    'I
    can't get into your panties.'

    Karen said, 'Exactly. And
    if you don't change
    your smart-ass attitude, you never
    will
     
  16. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2010
  17. Spaghetti

    Spaghetti Banned

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  18. electraglideatl

    electraglideatl Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a gay dinosour?...............a megasoreass
     
  19. mustache

    mustache Well-Known Member

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    l

    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

    Between 18 and 22, a woman is like AFRICA ;
    Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!


    Between 23 and 30, a woman is like EUROPE ;
    Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real
    value.

    Between 31 and 35, a woman is like SPAIN ;
    very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like GREECE ;
    gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50, a woman is like GREAT BRITAIN ;
    with a glorious and all conquering past.

    Between 51 and 60, a woman is like ISRAEL ;
    Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,and takes
    care of business.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like CANADA ;
    self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


    After 70, she becomes TIBET ;
    Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, an
    adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


    Between 1 and 90, a man is like IRAN ;
    ruled by nuts.


    THE END
     
  20. electraglideatl

    electraglideatl Well-Known Member

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    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet..............
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2010

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