Joke Thread

Discussion in 'YRC Freight' started by Wrench97, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. Triplex

    Triplex Experienced stalker

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    A LOVE STORY FOR GOLFERS

    A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

    Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason."

    Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

    Beth said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

    Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

    Beth said, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

    "I recall that," says Chuck. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

    "All right," Beth said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
     
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  2. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    Horse walks in to a bar. Bartender says why the long face?
    Polish parachutes aren't equipped with a rip cord, they open on impact.
     
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  3. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    That, folks, is why there's no joke thread in the ABF forum....:shrug:
     
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  4. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    Your response, sir, is 1 of 2 reasons I never made it to open mike on Sunday night. # 2 is I like to eat a lot. And the pay as a stand up comedian versus Union scale @ ABF, it would make me look like the poster child for a Ethiopian Food Drive. von.
     
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  5. Skypilot

    Skypilot Well-Known Member

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    Von,you would have gotten hinged on the gong show with that one,but you get an a for effort
     
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  6. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    That's ok. But I thought it was an E for effort. I forgot, what is being hinged?
     
  7. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    Did you mean because of the Ethiopian Food Drive comment? Or something else? Keep in mind the Vicodin has kinked in as I type.
     
  8. Skypilot

    Skypilot Well-Known Member

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    I meant gonged,bourbon kicking in,...drinking and using phone,not good,h
    I meant gonged,was drinking bourbon, phone and booze,bad mix,haha, I enjoy reading your posts and responses though
     
  9. Triplex

    Triplex Experienced stalker

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    Don't encourage him! :hide: :poke:
     
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  10. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    Se there now, I told ya all the Vicodin had kicked in. What is you excuse. von.
     
  11. Triplex

    Triplex Experienced stalker

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    There is no excuse for me, I'm just along for the ride. :bananapartyhat:
     
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  12. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    You & me both brother, you & me both.. von.
     
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  13. Wrench97

    Wrench97 Well-Known Member

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    Is Google male or female?

    Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
     
  14. Triplex

    Triplex Experienced stalker

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    I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned - What do I do if she's really someone I don't like at all ? I'll be stuck with her with no easy way out. Turns out, there's an app for that.

    It's called - "Mom Are You Ok".

    It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her. If you like her, you ignore it. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mom ? What's the matter ? Are you okay ?"

    It works every time.

    So I knocked on the girl's door. Turns out I needn't have worried. She was gorgeous! I couldn't get over how attractive she was!!!

    Just as I was about to speak to her, her phone rang.

    She answered it and said, "Mom, what's the matter ? Are you okay ?"
     
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  15. mustache

    mustache Well-Known Member

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  16. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    What’s the difference between a Peterbilt and a porcupine?
    On the porcupine the ***** is on the outside.
     
  17. mustache

    mustache Well-Known Member

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  18. mysticobra

    mysticobra Just here.

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    Blonde joke. Be warned.
    Why did the blonde purchase a convertible?
    More leg room.
     
  19. vongrimmenstein

    vongrimmenstein Well-Known Member

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    True story. Arnold Palmer is on the tonight show. Their are talking & Carson asks Palmer how his wife helps him with his golf game. Palmer says she washes my golf balls. And Carson said 'I bet you that makes your putter stand up'. Palmer stood up & walked off the show, never to return. They settled out of court & Palmer gave his 50 grand settlement to charity.
     
  20. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    comedian Jay Leno asked him about the legend in 1994, a few years after taking over as permanent host of the Tonight Show following Carson’s retirement in 1992, and Palmer indicated to him that the story was based on nothing more than a joke deliberately told by Carson:

    http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/kissballs.asp
     

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