Jokes

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by Stimpy, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 59 Year Teamster Member

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    In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman wearing a tight leather shirt was trying to make the first step
    to enter the bus.
    She became aware her skirt was too tight to allow her leg enough height for the first step,
    a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, she tried again still couldn't make it,
    reached behind to unzip a little more, no luck again.
    About this time a large Texan who was standing behind her,picked her up by the waist and placed her gently
    on the step, she went ballistic, "how dare you touch my body, I don't even know you"

    Texan smiled and said "yes mam normally I would agree, but since you unzipped my fly three times
    I kinda figered we uz friends"
     
  2. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

    Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

    The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap that must be my husband!'

    So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped
    out the window like a crazy man.

    He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

    A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and

    screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

    The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

    And that folks....... .....is how the fight started.
     
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  3. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LAST

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    :wtflol:
     
  4. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    I'ma thinking it's a case of two cheating people. ..lol
    :1sm364jumpbed:
     
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  5. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LAST

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    :6781:
     
  6. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 59 Year Teamster Member

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    83 year old woman had just finished her annual physical in the doctor's office,
    Doctor said Mrs Cartwright, you are in fine shape for your age, let me ask, do you still have intercourse?
    She thought a second, let me ask my husband.
    She opened the door to the crowded reception room and asked Dave do we still have intercourse?
    You could have heard a pin drop, "honey if I've told you once I've told you a hundred times, we have Blue Cross"
    NAMES HAVE NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT ANYONE
     
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  7. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    Tonight is a Cigna night...heehee..
     
  8. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LAST

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    i had ONE JOB, that HAD Cigna....

    i left as soon as i was able to start getting the benefits. futuer employer asked why i left, he said, "i don't blame you"...."and we have BC/BS"
     
  9. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 59 Year Teamster Member

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    A man walks in, flops down in his favorite recliner, says to his wife " quick bring me a beer before it starts"
    She looked puzzled but brings him a beer, he finished it says, "quick bring me another beer before it starts"
    She's a little angry this time but brings the beer, "quick bring me another beer, it's gonna start"
    "You sorry ass, come in don't even say hello, don't you realize I cook, clean, wash, iron all day"?

    He said " OH CRAP, IT's STARTED"
     
  10. ABFer

    ABFer Super Moderator Staff Member

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  11. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  12. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  13. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  14. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LAST

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  15. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR


    One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

    First she called on little Suzie, who responded with,

    "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

    "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

    She then called on little Michael.

    "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

    The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"

    Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY.

    "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant,

    and he said "Beautiful, just fn beautiful."
     
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