Jokes

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by Stimpy, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member

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    Two medical students were walking when they saw an old man, walking slowly, legs spread and split-legged
    One said I think he has Peltry Syndrome, the other student said no, I think he is showing symptoms of
    Zovitski Syndrome.
    One student says excuse me sir but we're medical students and were not sure about your walk, could you tell us your condition?
    The old man said I'll tell you but first, what do you think? the student said Peltry Syndrome,
    The man said ,you think, but you are wrong, next student said I think, Zovitski Syndrome.
    The man said, you think, but you're wrong, they asked, tell us, old timer what do you have?
    The old man said, I thought it was gas, but I was wrong!
     
  2. Big Dave

    Big Dave Dispatcher for Team BRG-Wong

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    So he thought it was Glutalbreeze Syndrome but it turned out to be Packincrack Syndrome...
     
  3. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member

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    Some of you may not know, I play the bagpipes, I've played at many funerals.
    A funeral director asked me to play graveside service for a homless man.
    He had no family or friends, it would be at a paupers cemetery in the backwoods, I was not familar with, I got lost,
    big time,being a typical man I would not stop and ask for directions.
    I arrived about an hour late, funeral guy was gone, hearse was nowhere in site.
    Only the diggers and crew were left eating lunch, I went to the grave side, looked down on the lid already in place.
    Didn't know what else to do, I started to play, the workers put down their lunch and began to gather around
    I played my heart out for this homless man like never before.
    I played "Amazing Grace", the crew began to weep, we all wept together.
    When I finished I started to my car, I really felt good about myself, as I opened my car door I heard one of the crew say,
    I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years, never have I seen anything like this.
    Hell, I guess I'm still lost!
     
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  4. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Sons-in-Law


    A woman wanted to know if her 3 sons-in-law really liked her, or just her money.

    On Day 1 she took the first one for a walk along the lake and pretended to slip off of a pier into the water. As she slipped under the water, he immediately dove in and saved her life.

    The next morning, he found a brand new Honda in his driveway with a

    note: “Thank you. You’re a wonderful son-law. Mom”.


    On Day 2 she took the second son-in-law for the same walk…same “accident”.

    As she slipped under the water, he immediately dove in and saved her life.

    The next morning, he also found a brand new Honda in his driveway with a note:

    “Thank you. You’re a wonderful son-law. Mom”.


    On Day 3 she took the third son-in-law for the same walk…same “accident”.

    But as she slipped under the water, he stood there thinking,

    “Maybe it’s about time the old witch met her maker!”, and he didn’t save her life.

    The next morning, he found a brand new Jaguar in his driveway with a note:

    “Thank you. You’re a wonderful son-law. Dad”
     
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  5. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    The Polish Golf Club Championship


    Milo and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club.

    They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and are tied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep valley descending down to a dogleg right.


    Both Milo and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down into the valley. A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of the hill and announces that both balls are within 6 inches of each other, but there's a problem. Both of the golf balls are Titleist # 4s.


    Milo and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informed each other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number.

    They quickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titleist golf balls are right next to each at the bottom of the valley in the middle of the fairway.


    Stosh looks at Milo and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournament official to straighten this out." "This is the Polish Country Club Championships and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake and hitting the wrong ball." "After all, we are tied for the lead."


    Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two # 4 Titleist golf balls.

    He then looks up at Milo and Stosh and says,


    "Which one of you is playing the orange ball?
     
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  6. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Wise Old Jewish Man


    A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time


    So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.


    She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.


    "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"


    "Morris Fishbien," he replied.


    "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"


    "For about 60 years."


    "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"


    "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."


    "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"


    "Like I'm talking to a ****in' wall
     
  7. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  8. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  9. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
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