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Subject: 92 year old

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.



He spoke to his toes. Hello toes! he said. How are you? You know,

you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked on the

park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed

on the dance

Floor? Happy Birthday toes!





Hello, knees, he continued. How are you? You know you're 92 today.

Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh,

the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees!



Then, he looked down at his crotch. Hello Willie! You little bugger.

Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92
 
[quote author=thejoe link=topic=63441.msg833255#msg833255 date=1274920707]
This is brilliant...!!!

You Type...She speaks...technology has far surpassed me!!! This is amazing. Try it and see!!
Turn up the volume.

She will say anything you type. I sure don't know how they do this! When you move the mouse around, her eyes follow the pointer. When you write something in the left space and then click on 'Say it,' she says it!
You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak.
Technology! Wow !!

Thanks. Thats a fun web site!
 
Bubba:


Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a steak..

But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was
causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he
become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass ...
and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,
‘You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.'

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night
arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as
he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in

amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water
which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
'You wuz born a cow, you wuz raised a cow, but now you is a catfish.'
 








A Mexican, an Arab,

and a Arizona girl are

in the same bar.
When the Mexican

finishes his beer,

he throws his glass

in the air, pulls out

his pistol, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico ,

our glasses are so

cheap we don't need

to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously

impressed by this,

drinks non-alcohol beer

(cuz he's a muslim!),

throws it into the

air, pulls out his

AK-47, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the

Arab World, we have

so much sand to make

glasses that we don't

need to drink with

the same one twice either.'

The Arizona girl,

cool as a cucumber,

picks up her beer,

downs it in one gulp,

throws the glass into

the air, whips out her

45, and shoots the

Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass,

setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,

she says,
'In Arizona ,

we have so many

illegal aliens that

we don't have to

drink with the same ones twice.' ​
 
[quote author=thejoe link=topic=63441.msg838323#msg838323 date=1276806604]








A Mexican, an Arab,

and a Arizona girl are

in the same bar.
When the Mexican

finishes his beer,

he throws his glass

in the air, pulls out

his pistol, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico ,

our glasses are so

cheap we don't need

to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously

impressed by this,

drinks non-alcohol beer

(cuz he's a muslim!),

throws it into the

air, pulls out his

AK-47, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the

Arab World, we have

so much sand to make

glasses that we don't

need to drink with

the same one twice either.'

The Arizona girl,

cool as a cucumber,

picks up her beer,

downs it in one gulp,

throws the glass into

the air, whips out her

45, and shoots the

Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass,

setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,

she says,
'In Arizona ,

we have so many

illegal aliens that

we don't have to

drink with the same ones twice.' ​
[/quote]

Good One Joe!!!!!
 
This Came From An Old Girlfriend:

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions
and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make
sure she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.
 
BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'




His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out


'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'




She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !
 
Would you remarry?






Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure. It's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'



HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND: 'No. I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?'

HUSBAND: 'Yes.. Those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?'

HUSBAND: 'No. She's left-handed.'

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: ' . . . Ooops.'
 
An 87-year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape

for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband, “she said.

She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:

"Bob, do we still have intercourse?" There was a complete hush - you could have heard a pin drop.

Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I've told you a hundred times....What we have is

BlueCross Insurance !!!!"
 
In response to large sums of money that the oil giant is spending in the Gulf. They were given a new
name, BP: Bulging Pockets.
 
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