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TX.Woman attacked by her family pit bull.

Apostolic — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:25:33 GMT

Woman Attacked by Family Pet | MyFoxHouston.com

New School Prayer

mattjm — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:02:31 GMT

A Kid in Ohio wrote the attached....

NEW School prayer :

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom thing..
The law is specific, the law is precise..
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
We can carry smut, but not the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this,
Please pass this on.
Jesus said,
'If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'

Christmas party (priceless)scrool all the way down.

mattjm — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:09:45 GMT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd , starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols . . . feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our
CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
O: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the
food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.
Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdo�s can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Oprah to end her syndicated TV show in 2011

Dockworker — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:11:48 GMT

Quote:

Oprah Winfrey, one of the most influential and highly paid women on television, will announce on Friday she is ending her popular daytime talk show in 2011.

Quote:

She is expected to move to cable network OWN, or Oprah Winfrey Network, a Los Angeles-based joint venture she formed with Discovery Communications Inc (DISCA.O), when her current syndication deal for "The Oprah Winfrey Show" runs out in 2011. OWN will be available in more than 70 million homes.

Oprah to end her syndicated TV show in 2011

UPDATE 3-Oprah Winfrey to end talk show in Sept 2011

Very Good Joke

mattjm — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:44:56 GMT

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming.'

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!' Said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby 'No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!' cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . . .. . .

'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

i take up too much space

mattjm — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:06:42 GMT

Will anyone tell me why i"m using so much space when i post?

i sure do hope this ain't his mom's SUV (or his dad's either...!!!)

pro1driver — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:31:54 GMT

just another dumb kid...........it says its his SUV, and i sure DO HOPE SO...........!!

This is bazaar in my opinion/Uganda canes dead bodies.

Apostolic — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:19:33 GMT

The more I see what other country's do to their citizens.
The more I thank God I was born an American.
Dead bodies to be caned - New Orleans News, Breaking News, Sports & Weather - FOX 8 Live WVUE-TV Channel 8

Laptop of the future. Neat!

TiredDvrsWife — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:13:46 GMT

YouTube - Future Designer laptop - ROLLTOP //Diploma Thesis//

Dead end Jobs?

truckinusa — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:50:47 GMT

http://mobile.thestar.com/mobile/world/article/724095
If you were there in '77 at the Barton Hall show at Cornell University when Jerry Garcia absolutely tore up "St. Stephen," well, that wouldn't hurt. But more importantly, how's your Dewey Decimal these days?
The University of California, Santa Cruz is looking for an archivist to take control of their Grateful Dead collection.

AL. Timber theft is becoming a big problem.

Apostolic — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:24:32 GMT

Crooks are stealing trees,see for yourself.
Unreal what is next?
State sees increase in theft of timber | montgomeryadvertiser.com | Montgomery Advertiser

Ptsd

Jarhead13 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:30:42 GMT

I know there are a lot of Veterans that are Drivers. I am curious if PTSD is a common issue with Combat Veterans? Do the the things we see and do always stay with us?

men only

mattjm — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:56:36 GMT

PYZAM - BJ Parking Funny Pictures

This is a great tic tac do

mattjm — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:46:58 GMT

PYZAM - Tic-Tac-Toe

Pranks Gone Wild

Dockworker — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:55:20 GMT

Watch these at your own discretion, Not intended to be copied.
This is for entertainment value only.

Billy Mays clone
Warning:Contains swear word

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