Printed out from a corporate intranet chat session…..

Hi Dave.
Hi Ed.
You know, I was feeling SO thankful today I just had to let you know. Spell it out so to speak. You know, the Bible tells us to list all our blessings..
Why today?
I was down at Sumner Meadows today. I was on the back 9 about 2 and that mountain was so beautiful!
I thought you were supposed to be at work?
Executive privilege! Besides, it’s part of why I’m so thankful!
Do tell!
Well, it’s our drivers! Man, they’re the best!
Your kidding right? I mean, we HATE those Teamsters, darn it!
You interrupted!
OK, go on.
You know how we owe that high priced spin-doctor lawyer big bucks for all that crap he’s been writing for the Super’s to read during the meetings?
Yeah, his bill is in the tens of thousands!
Well, I just looked over the Qualcomm bill. It went down AGAIN! For the second straight quarter!
Yer kidding! How?
Well it seems our wonderful drivers took the bait! Just like the suck.., er fine employees they are! Seems they are getting tired of emailing in on the Qualcomm, so they’re using their cell phones! Their own cell phones!!! Just like K...ter, er K...unner, er K...ner, er Roadway Ronny said they would! And the drivers have been stupid, er smart enough to give their cell phone numbers to dispatch! They’re saving us TONS by keeping our Qualcomm costs down AND they don’t have any wasted sitting time while waiting for a reply! Isn’t that grand? Speaking of grand, it’s saved us several! At this rate, we can pay for that high priced spin-doctor lawyer to load ’em up with BS, er, facts for another 6 months! Saved us so much I could take half, er OK, a full day off! With pay!
Hey, I’m gonna have to agree with you on that, now that I think of it. Those drivers ARE a blessing! You know my Benz? The one with the windows tinted so no one can see who I am? Well, today I was out cruzin, only to have one of our trucks zoom by. At first I was plenty pissed! He was going at least 45 in a 35 zone. But hey, that’ll mean he just gets to his stop sooner! And can make more pick-ups or deliveries! Help build up the high priced spin-doctor lawyer fund! Man, that’s sweet! Sure, I’ll have Bill D track that driver down and write ‘im up, but I love him all same!
Why the write up?
Gotta keep those guys on edge! Keep ‘em scared! Just like they were all petrified when they got that DVD about being replaced just before Thanksgiving! A stroke of genius, my friend!
You did turn on that encryption software, didn’t you? Wouldn’t want anyone other than you and I reading this!
Oh yeah, got it handled. I had that greasy haired new kid in IT do the programming.
Who?
You know, that guy with the underbite who looks like he never takes a shower.
Smells like it too. Anyway, he’s got it handled!
Whew, that’s a relief!
BTW, how’s our inside man doing down at Auburn? You know, Ray.
Man, how can that guy even find his thang to go to the bathroom! His gut is getting bigger all the time!
Not that Ray you dope! No, it’s the Driver Ray who worked in Line Haul dispatch when he was injured!
Oh, THAT Ray! Amazingly, I’d say he’s even uglier than P&D Ops manager Ray! That was a great move on your and Bill D’s part to come up with that useless P&D Ops manager gig, BTW! That keeps the profits looking nice n low. I know P&D Ops manager really is in D’s job description, but writing off 75K was brilliant! And you know Ray is going to do any dirty work we want him to do! With his qualifications he couldn’t get a job at Wal-Mart! He’s our MAN! That, and the 15 unused trucks sittin’ in the pit kept about a million off the profit sheets!
That BA in basket weaving at that fancy university finally paid off for us after all!
I’m gonna agree with you on Driver/Line Haul dipatcher Ray's looks. Speaking of underbite. Ray’s got an overbite! Can’t even close his mouth over those chompers! But, I won’t speak evil of a guy who’s doin’ such a bang-up job as an informer! He’s gotta learn to keep his mouth shut though!
I thought you said that was impossible with the overbite!
I was speaking figuratively you boob! I meant he needs to stop spouting off that Oak H is so great. He’s been arguing with the union guys when they start complaining. He needs to pipe down and just get us the info. He’s going to give his position away and then our information pipeline will be closed!
Yeah, gotta keep the inside track and with Ray’s help, keep adding names to our crap list!
You know what else I just love?
The movie Dumbo?
SHUT UP!
OK, sorry. What else do you love?
I love driving into the parking lots of our terminals and seeing all those fancy new cars. Especially those new trucks! I know there’s probably only 1 in 100 that are paid for! The out-the-door price of a fancy new 4X4 rarely is less than 30K! That means a payment of probably $500 a month AT LEAST! For 60 months! Before insurance and gas! I love it because when push comes to shove, they’re gonna take our POS offers and disciplinary crap rather than going on strike and giving their ‘Baby’ to the repo man!
I know what you mean. I have a new appreciation for financial irresponsibility! After all, if these guys were smarter, they could have the power of the Longshoreman’s union!
Can’t have that! That would interfere with our illusion of superiority!
Well, it’s been great as usual.
Yeah, seig heil!

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