My new smokin hot girlfriend has a houseboat on the Florida gulf coast.
Yesterday we were enjoying the afternoon about a quarter mile off the coast along with a few of her friends.
Everything going along real smooth until about an hour before dusk.
That's when I heard the scream. I raced to the port side to discover one of the chicks in a near hysterical state.
It must have been contagious, because my chick, who I previously thought to be very mature for a 28 year old, began freaking out as well.

An adult shark was hanging around making some lazy circles. Since sharks are carnivores, I could only guess that he was attracted to the smell of cooking meat on the grill. I still wonder how he could recognize the aroma of beef or pork, since neither are indigeneous to his habitat.

Anyway, now the third girl has joined in the hysteria.
I tried my best to convince them that there was no possible way the shark was going to leap up into the boat. And he wasn't about to ram us and sink us like in the movie JAWS.

At the end of my rope now. The crying and screaming is making me nuts.
Just like Sgt. Barnes in PLATOON when that little girl in the village wouldn't shut up.
So I did the same thing. I got out my .45

I calmly walked to the railing and asked "If I take care of this thing, will yall shut the hell up? Please?"
No answer. Totally frustrated now.

Only 20 feet, but a harder shot than you would imagine at a moving target from a rocking boat with three screaming women in the background. Just as I squeezed the trigger the boat rode up on a wave and I missed by six feet. I stayed focused and fired again in that split second I knew the boat would be still. Bullseye!
I admit there was some luck involved, but it was truly satisfying to nail him squarely between the eyes. The 230 grain hollow point pretty much took out the back of his head.
The other dudes were truly impressed.High fives and whatnot.

But now my chick is looking at me like I'm a pedophile or something.What now, I ask.
"Oh how could you? You murdering bastard!"
I remain calm, thinking the hysteria hasn't wore off yet. I try logic, which rarely works with some women, but it's worth a try.
I explain that the shark is at the top of the food chain in the ocean.
And man is at the top of the food chain on the planet.
The shark survives by eating other helpless fish.
What I have done is to create food for the bottom feeders. By killing only one fish, I have ceated meals for many.

It was no use. I couldn't reason with her.Silent treatment. She wouldn't even drive me out to my truck this morning. I had to call a cab from the clubhouse.
Oh well, might have to rethink this relationship.

Send a picture of the boat.

The boat is fictional, as is the story. And I know all women are not hysterical. Just taking poetic license for the benefit of the story.
Sometimes I make the man the dummy, usually me,

Yeah, I know it was a joke, it reminded me of that saying on tshirts: wanted a wife with a boat. Send picture of boat.

No clue why that hit my funny bone when I read your post.

Oh yeah, I remember that now. It's been a while, but it fits well.

I saw an ad on Craiglist. It was for a non sexual FM relationship. The lady said she was just looking for a friend to hang out with and go fishing. Said she had a boat.

I sent her an email. telling her she forgot to post pics of the boat n motor!!!

Never got a response. Hmmmm.