Off-Topic Joke Thread

Whenever Little Johnny's parents wanted some "alone time", they would send him out to the front porch with a bowl of ice cream.
This worked for a while, but eventually Little Johnny started eating the ice cream too quickly and would come back inside before his parents were done. So one day his mom came up with another idea to keep him occupied.
While bringing him out to the front porch, she said: "Johnny, once you've finished your ice cream, I want you to survey the whole neighborhood and then report back on your findings." He thought it was a fun idea and agreed, then his mom hurried back inside.
After finishing his ice cream, Little Johnny looked around the neighborhood, then after a few minutes he walked to his parents' window and yelled: "The Hendersons got a new car!"
His mom yelled back: "That's great, keep looking!"
After a few more minutes of surveying, Johnny yelled up to the window again: "The Bakers are planting flowers!"
His dad yelled back: "Good job, keep looking!"
Little Johnny went back to surveying the area, but after 5 minutes he ran back up to the parents' window and yelled: "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are banging!"
Suddenly the commotion in the parents' bedroom stopped, and after a few seconds of silence, his mom popped her head out the window and asked: "How do you know the Johnsons are banging?"
Little Johnny replied: "Because their son Timmy is sitting on the front porch with a bowl of ice cream."
 
One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing.

"Fishing," the old Sergeant replied.

‘This poor old fool,’ thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink.

While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, “How many did you end up catching today?”

“You're the eighth,” the old Marine answered.
 
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.
 
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