Off-Topic Joke Thread

This one is for Victor...

A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms.

Bishop: “How can you do the job? You can’t pull the rope!”

Hunchback: “I have a plan – but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is.”

So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower.

Bishop: “Ok, show me your plan.”

The hunchback runs and jumps at the bell, striking it with his head. Sure enough, he rings the bell.

The bishop says, “That’s amazing! But you’ll get a headache.”

The hunchback replies, “No problem, I’ll get used to it.”

And he gets the job. One day, the hunchback decides to put a little extra into his bell ringing, so he steps back, and then runs and jumps at the bell, and hits it with his head – but he misses, slips, and falls off the tower, plummeting to his death.

A crowd gathers and a policeman arrives. A bystander asks, “Do you know this man?”

The cop replies, “No, but his face rings a bell.”
 
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.
 
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.
Wrench read post #2426. :poke: :hysterical::438:
 
Wrench read post #2426. :poke: :hysterical::438:
I thought that one sounded familiar...........

Try this one instead.


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends,
"My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
 
Two cowboys are in the big city for a rodeo so they decide to get at a fancy restaurant.
They're sitting at the table enjoying the food when all of a sudden a woman at the table next to them starts choking.
Without hesitation the one cowboy jumps up ,lifts her skirt up and licks her bottom.
In look of shock the woman spits out the piece of food and starts breathing again.

The other cowboy says I herd about that thar hiny lick maneuver but that's the first time I seen it done.
 
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