Off-Topic Joke Thread

A Canadian, a Italian and a Russian are looking at a depiction of Adam and Eve.

The Canadian says, "Look at them , they are so serene and kind looking, they are obviously Canadian."

The Italian says, "No. The are a very good looking, just a handsome couple. They are obviously Italian."

The Russian says, "They are very obviously Russian. Just look at them! They have no clothes to wear! They have no house to live in! They only have a apple to eat! And they are being constantly told they are in heaven!"
 
My wife and kids were discussing whether to have me buried or cremated.

They decided to let me live.




I lost at the local bar trivia contest last night. The question was "Where do women have the curliest hair?"

Apparently, the correct answer was Fiji.





They used to be called jumpolenes until my ex wife bounced on one.
 
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16," he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years' ?"

"I remember that, too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
 
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