What's new

Off-Topic Joke Thread

vongrimmenstein said:
Picture this. As you walk in you look down the length of the bar & you see a person drinking a beer & their Tallywacker hanging out with a full stream of urine aiming for the 'Puck', & your date asks 'where is the toilet for the women', you have to ask yourself, am I in the wrong bar? Or did I pick the wrong person to date?
Click to expand...
Big Dave has everything covered......he has these for all the pretty ladies ! :6788:
9hwLoXp.jpg
 
seabreeze said:
I hope someday to get over being offended by the offender who offended me, however, if I never get over being offended by the offender who offended me, I hope the offense will come to my defense.
Click to expand...
And here I thought I was clever. Yours being even better. von.
 
Dave wanted desperately to have sex with a cute girl in his office, but she was dating someone else.
One day he was so frustrated, he went to her and said"I'll give you $100 to have sex with me.
The girl said "NO"
Dave said "I'll be real fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend, over, while you pick it up, I'll finish by time you stand up"
She said " I'll consult with my boyfriend and let you know"
He told her to ask for $200, and pick up the money real fast, he won' even be able to get his pants down.
She agreed and accepted the offer.
1/2 hr goes by, the boyfriend is still waiting for her call.
After an hour, he calls her and asks, "what happened?"
Breathing hard, she manages to reply "the bastard only had one dollar bills"
 
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.

At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."

He ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
 
In a small Southern town there was a Nativity scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The wise men came from afar.' "
 
Triplex said:
In a small Southern town there was a Nativity scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The wise men came from afar.' "
Click to expand...

Same lady asked me, "What part of your anatomy stretches further?" "beats me"
She said, "scripture says Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 20 miles"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
AdBlock Detected

Ads Suck but we have a server bill to pay every month. I am no Zuckerbuerg or Musk here just a Truck Driver like you. Can you help us out here and disable your Ad Blocker? We gotta pay the bills here. I have a 100% Ad Free option for you located here cool

I've Disabled AdBlock