Off-Topic Joke Thread

Subj: Smart little girl on plane

A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming,
universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't
know ::shit::?" and, then she went back to reading her book.
Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting

around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work

at their local Nissan plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd,

"If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your

wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would

that make us kin?

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched

his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us

A train hit's a bus filled with Catholic school girl's and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter ask's the first girl,
"Tammy, have you ever had contact with a male naughty part?" she giggles and shyly replies
"well, I once touched one with the tip of my finger" St. Peter say's "ok dip your finger into the holy water and pass
through the gates"
He ask's the next girl the same question. She say's, "well I once fondled and stroked one."
He say's "okay, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate's"
All of a sudden there was alot of commotion in the line of girl's, one pushed her way to the
front of the line. When she got there St. Peter said "Lacy, what seem's to be the rush?
Lacy said "if I am going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Sarah stick's her ass in it!"
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