Off-Topic Joke Thread

>

Prostate
> Check-up


>An old guy goes to his doctor for his annual
> physical and gets sent to the
>Urologist as a precaution. When he gets
>there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty
>female doctor.


>The female doctor says, "I'm going to
> check your prostate today, but this new
> procedure is a little different from what
> you are probably used to. I want you to
> lie on your right side, bend your knees,
> then while I check your prostate, take a deep
> breath and say, '99'.
>
>The old guy obeys and says,"99". The
>doctor says, "Great". Now turn
>over on your left side and again, while repeat
>the check, take a deep
>breath and say, '99".
>
> Again, the old guy says, '99'."
>
>The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then,
>I want you to lie on your back
>with your knees raised slightly. I'm
>going to check your prostate with
>this hand, and with the other hand I'm going
>to hold on to your ***** to
>keep it out of the way. Now take a deep
>breath and say, '99'.
>
>The old guy begins, "One ... Two ...Three".
>
>You
> don't stop laughing because you grow
> old.

You
> grow old because you stop
> laughing!!!
 
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: ID10T

I used to like Eric.
 
NOT WORK SAFE

not work safe no more . Please don't post videos like this again , Thanks .
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.


When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father dies, he
decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had
ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father
will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became
his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
 
Surely this has not happened to you .....?







A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she
used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the
family doctor to discuss the problem.


The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her
hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away
from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you.


If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until
you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet
away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30
feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20
feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet
away.. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her... "Honey, what's for
dinner?"



(I just love this)




"Ralph, for THE FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
 
Subject: FW: : Fire Truck












A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.
 
Subject: Fw: My point exactly.













An

86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly

check-up...





The

doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the

86-year-old

said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now

have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So

what do you think about that Doc

?"








The

doctor considered his question for a minute and

then began to tell

a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid

hunter

and never misses a season."


One

day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he

accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he

neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's

edge.



He

realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent

creature.

Out

of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal

as

if

it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang,

bang'."

"Miraculously,

two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.





Now,

what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The

86-year-old said,

"Logic would strongly suggest that somebody

else

pumped a couple of rounds into that

beaver."


The

doctor replied, "My point exactly."
=






=
 
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