The 100 year old man got out of bed the next day and decided to take a stroll down the hall. He sees his favorite nurse and tells her, "My p*nis is dead!"...She doesn't know what to say to him so she just says " Oh, I'm sorry.". The next day he wakes up and walks up the hall to this same nurse.... naked.....she says "You can't do this!". He says " I told you yesterday my p*nis was dead.". She says "Yeah so.". He said, "Today is the viewing!"There was this 100-year old man and a 95-year old woman with a heart condition in a retirement home that had a thing for each other and started a relationship. They decided that they would get married. The staff all thought that this was cute and decided to have a small ceremony on site and give them a room together for the night for their honeymoon. After the ceremony, they went to their “honey moon suite” to consummate their marriage. The old lady told her new husband, “get undressed and get in the bed while I slip into something more comfortable in the next room”. He did as instructed, and the old woman returned a few minutes later wearing a see-thru nighty. After she modeled a few minutes to get her new man excited, she got ready to crawl in bed with him and let the nighty fall to the floor. She then warned him, “before we get started, I just want you to know that you will have to be gentle as I have acute angina”. The old man said, “I certainly hope so, because you have the ugliest breasts that I have ever seen”.
With such a funny punch line as that..... check out the Google ad below....A woman takes her old, crippled schnauzer to the vet because she thinks he is going deaf. The vet looks in the dogs ears and tells the lady, “your dog is not deaf. There is just so much hair matted up in there that he cannot hear”. The vet fills out a prescription for a powerful hair remover to use that can only be purchased by prescription thru a pharmacy. The lady stops at the pharmacy on her way home. When the pharmacist brings her the medicine, he gives her the instructions for it’s use. He say’s, “if you are using this medicine to remove hair under your arm pits, you will need to limit the amount of deodorant used while using the medicine”. The lady responded, “it is not for my arm pits”. The pharmacist then tells her, “if you are using it to remove hair from your legs, you will need to avoid wearing panty hose while using it because of irritation”. The lady responded, “it’s not for my legs. It’s for my schnauzer”. The pharmacist responded, “in that case, you will need to wear loose fitting cotton panties and avoid ridding anything like a motorcycle or a bicycle while using this medication”.