Off-Topic Joke Thread

A LOVE STORY FOR GOLFERS

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason."

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Beth said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Beth said, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," says Chuck. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right," Beth said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
 
That, folks, is why there's no joke thread in the ABF forum....:shrug:
Your response, sir, is 1 of 2 reasons I never made it to open mike on Sunday night. # 2 is I like to eat a lot. And the pay as a stand up comedian versus Union scale @ ABF, it would make me look like the poster child for a Ethiopian Food Drive. von.
 
That's ok. But I thought it was an E for effort. I forgot, what is being hinged?
I meant gonged,bourbon kicking in,...drinking and using phone,not good,h
That's ok. But I thought it was an E for effort. I forgot, what is being hinged?
I meant gonged,was drinking bourbon, phone and booze,bad mix,haha, I enjoy reading your posts and responses though
 
I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned - What do I do if she's really someone I don't like at all ? I'll be stuck with her with no easy way out. Turns out, there's an app for that.

It's called - "Mom Are You Ok".

It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her. If you like her, you ignore it. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mom ? What's the matter ? Are you okay ?"

It works every time.

So I knocked on the girl's door. Turns out I needn't have worried. She was gorgeous! I couldn't get over how attractive she was!!!

Just as I was about to speak to her, her phone rang.

She answered it and said, "Mom, what's the matter ? Are you okay ?"
 
True story. Arnold Palmer is on the tonight show. Their are talking & Carson asks Palmer how his wife helps him with his golf game. Palmer says she washes my golf balls. And Carson said 'I bet you that makes your putter stand up'. Palmer stood up & walked off the show, never to return. They settled out of court & Palmer gave his 50 grand settlement to charity.
 
True story. Arnold Palmer is on the tonight show. Their are talking & Carson asks Palmer how his wife helps him with his golf game. Palmer says she washes my golf balls. And Carson said 'I bet you that makes your putter stand up'. Palmer stood up & walked off the show, never to return. They settled out of court & Palmer gave his 50 grand settlement to charity.

comedian Jay Leno asked him about the legend in 1994, a few years after taking over as permanent host of the Tonight Show following Carson’s retirement in 1992, and Palmer indicated to him that the story was based on nothing more than a joke deliberately told by Carson:

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/kissballs.asp
 
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