Off-Topic Joke Thread

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I cant get my wife to go swimming!!............................:bgroovy:
 
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A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500,' he says.

This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
 
What A Weekend!


An elderly, 70ish, white-haired gentleman walked into a jewelry store one
Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.


The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old
man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By
check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now,
and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll
pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..


On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no
money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

~ All Seniors Aren't Senile ~
 
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