Jokes

Little League - NOW THIS IS FUNNY

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,
curse the umpire, or call him an *******. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a :shit:head is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”
 
A good business lesson...

A good business lesson…
Darren wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office. But she was dating someone else. One day Darren got so frustrated that he went to her and said I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.

The girl looked at him and then said, "NO!"

Darren said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.

So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. Then give me a call."

She agrees and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
 
WHAT A DEAL!

An 85-year-old man is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition".

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words"

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars in her hand ---He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my garage."

(My needs change as I get older, and I tend to look for bargains. Enjoy your day)
 
Little League - NOW THIS IS FUNNY

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,
curse the umpire, or call him an *******. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a ****head is it?"
"No, coach."

"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”
I umpire some in the spring and summer if I have time, but have told some of the local league board members they should have a rack of rule books available for adults to look up a rule first, before putting their mouths in gear.
 
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