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TRUCKING Jokes

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by Stimpy, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    The 5 Riddles…..

    THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN...

    THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING.
    IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS….

    1. A murderer is condemned to death.
    He has to choose between three rooms.
    The first is full of raging fires,
    the second is full of assassins with loaded guns and the
    third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3years.
    Which room is safest for him?


    2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
    5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him.
    But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

    3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you
    throw it away?

    4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
    Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

    5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you
    can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain
    that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find
    anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
    Try to do so without any coaching!

    THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:




    Answers:
    1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
    That one was easy, right?

    2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
    developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

    3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

    4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

    5.The letter "e" which is the most common letter used in the English language does not appear even once in the paragraph.

    I’ll be getting Alzheimer’s any time now.
    How did you do?
     
  2. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    seriously, i did not look at the answers...but i figured out the photographer scenario.

    but i still have oldtimers, and ED, and diareaha...
     
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  3. Big Dave

    Big Dave My Hat is my sunvisor

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    ED?? You still haven’t got rid of your brother-in-law???
     
  4. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    i wish i could kill him...literally......and get away with it.

    i have had a foot operation, which i made that known in my other thread.

    yesterday, even though it was a holiday, my foot doctor/surgeon was open.

    i had to have 4 injections into the foot, to calm down the nerves. as each night, my foot literally jumps up off the recliner or up off the bed, in excruciating pains. the doctor said it is the nerves "mending or whatever they are supposed to do, but my situation is compounded by my several back operations and my still numb foot from that.. (same foot the operation was performed on).

    so i could not walk, climb stairs or walk for a long distance.

    so now, you'd think, that bro-in-law see's this and KNOWS this, and you'd think he'd help out around the yard, by grabbing a broom and sweeping up a few leaves..?? (he was off all day from his jobs.....made sure he sat down all day watching tv.)

    and i do mean a few leaves, like a kitchen sized garbage bag's worth.....back breaking ain't it..???

    SOB, i have HATED HIM since sis first went out on a date with him.....then what's she do..marries the acehole, jerkwad, ignorant stupid, moronic, asswipe.....there could ever be.

    told sis straight out, when i get my insurance settlement, and i toss mom's ass in the nursing home, i am selling out and either getting a home (SMALL ONE) for MYSELF, or an apartment and screw you and the acehole....

    i ain't raised thier rent in YEARS, and you'd think that they especially HIM would be great full and help out, WITHOUT BEING TOLD to do so.....

    but nope, dumbass. just goes along like he ain't got no worries in the world...

    well, with rents STARTING at $1,000 and up, good luck...

    they are only paying me $700, they have, 6 rooms, get free laundry, parking for 2 cars, use of the garden, and live with family...where by the way, our mother, still living, and 93 years old, cooks for the entire house, and he makes sure he gets fed.......

    good luck in getting that at an apartment building, for under $1,000 per month....
     
  5. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member AD-FREE USER

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    Seriously, I didn't look at the answers, seriously I didn't get one right either!
     
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  6. Puff Driver

    Puff Driver Active Member

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    The last one was great.....
     
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  7. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  8. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    An Important Geography Lesson for Seniors




    Gentlemen;
    I know that we are getting older and have
    shorter attention spans, so this lesson will be kept
    short and sweet..





    Geography Lesson of the Day
    v

    v

    v



    [​IMG]
    That concludes our geography lesson of the day!
    Please pass on this valuable information to another.
     
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  10. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  11. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    THE YEAR WAS 1955... (if I didn't live through it, I wouldn't believe it myself.)


    Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?
    [​IMG]



    If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00,
    nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
    [​IMG]


    When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon? Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

    [​IMG]


    Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.
    [​IMG]


    I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They're even making electric typewriters now.
    [​IMG]


    It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
    [​IMG]


    It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
    [​IMG]


    I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.
    [​IMG]


    Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
    [​IMG]


    The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
    [​IMG]


    There is no sense going on short trips any more for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
    [​IMG]


    No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.
    [​IMG]


    If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut,
    forget it.
    [​IMG]




    The year was 1955
     
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  13. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  14. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  15. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
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  16. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
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  17. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Living from direct deposit to direct deposit.

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    I'm not bringing anyone else to her book club.
     
  18. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  19. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 60 Year Teamster Member AD-FREE USER

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    A cabbie picks up a nun, the driver stares at her
    She asks, "what are you staring at?"
    I,ve always wanted to kiss a nun
    She said,"if you are single and Catholic,I'll kiss you"
    He said, "I'm both"
    She said, "pull in that alley" she kisses him in a way, a hooker would blush.
    Back in the cab, the driver starts crying, she asks "what's wrong?"
    The driver said,"I lied, I'm Jewish and I'm married"
    He said, "thats ok, my name is Kevin, and I'm going to a halloween party"
     
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  20. Big Dave

    Big Dave My Hat is my sunvisor

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    So how was the Halloween party, Breeze??.........:poke::hide:
     
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