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TRUCKING Jokes

Discussion in 'The Drivers Lounge' started by Stimpy, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    i was gonna say, "those crazy canadians..

    then i watched a few more of thier videos, apparently, they are in California.
     
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  2. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
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  3. othertrucker2001

    othertrucker2001 Living from direct deposit to direct deposit.

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    What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    <
    <
    <
    <
    <
    <
    A gummy bear.
     
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  4. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    One day a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
    "four hundred," the dentist says.
    "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"
    "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to three hundred.
    "That's still too expensive," the man says.
    "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging eighty dollars.
    "Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."
    "Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just twenty dollars.”
    "Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday
     
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  6. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
     
  7. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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  8. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Just for you pro
     
  9. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    that's friggingly-freakingly effing hilarious.....
     
  10. Fly-by-night

    Fly-by-night Only when you care to send the very best

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    [​IMG]
     
  11. Big Dave

    Big Dave My Hat is my sunvisor

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    Well...if we’re being honest....I don’t wear a Hat......:hopelessness:
     
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  12. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Do you at least wear a raincoat???
     
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  13. seabreeze

    seabreeze Not Well Known Member, 63 Year Teamster Member

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    When one door closes and another opens, you are probably in prison.

    To me, "drink responsible" means don't spill it.

    When I say, "the other day" could be referring to any time between yesterday and 20 yrs ago.

    Interviewer, "so tell me about yourself" Me, "Actually I'd rather not, I kinda want this job"

    Cop, "Please step out of the car" me, "I'm too drunk, you get in"

    I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
     
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  14. pro1driver

    pro1driver I am LOST

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    i remember going to bed without sound effects, or odors....
     
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  15. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
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  16. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Simple Test for Men






    In order to keep medical costs at a minimum, here’s a simple and reliable test you can perform in the privacy of your own yard...and at your own convenience.


    A simplified urine test that may be relevant for all men!!??

    Go outside and pee in the garden.

    If ants gather:- diabetes.

    If you pee on your feet:- prostate.

    If it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol.

    If when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis.

    If you return to your room with your penis outside your pants:-Alzheimer
     
  17. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    googs thinks this image is sexual content so I had to remove it.

    (The trump bikini wearing girl )

    Edited by Jeff
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2020
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  18. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Irish Furniture Dealer

    Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris
    to see what he could find
    .


    After arriving in Paris , he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

    As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.


    Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table ,



    asked him something in French (which Murphy could n o t understand) , so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

    He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass

    and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

    After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it,


    and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.


    They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

    She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

    Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.


    To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business
     
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  19. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    [​IMG]
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  20. Stimpy

    Stimpy Wingnut

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    Why I Mow My Own Yard

    I remember in the 70's, Lee Trivino was being interviewed by the TV Media and was asked the question: "Your Last Name is Trevino, correct? isn't that Mexican? He replied, it used to be, but now that I'm RICH, its SPANISH! Loved his response.....

    Lee Trevino : Why I Mow My Own Yard

    A true story - you gotta love him.

    One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino,
    a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas,
    Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
    A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his
    house, lowered the window and asked, “ Excuse me, do you speak English?"

    Lee responded, “Yes Ma'am, I do."

    The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”

    Lee said, " Well, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her. "

    The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off .
     

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