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Laugh A Little

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Why do all UNC Tarheel grads get a free pass to park in any handicap space???????


Answer: They place their diploma on the dash of their vehicle.

Go Wolfpack!
 
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
 
Snowmann said:
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Click to expand...

:clap::biglaugh::smilie_132:
 
An elderly couple were

on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .

Please advise.' The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
 
slimeball said:
An elderly couple were

on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .

Please advise.' The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
Click to expand...

lol don't think my wife would appreciate this one lol
 
A guy is walking down a city sidewalk.
When he sees a sign being put up in the window of a lawyer office.
The sign reads 3 questions answered for $1000.00.
The guy outside flys into a rage,and storms into the law office.
He says are you kidding your charging such a high rate for just 3 questions?
The lawyer says thats right,my services are not cheap.

By this time the guy that came inside is really blowing his top,and says I just can't believe that your going to try and get that much out of people for just 3 questions.
The lawyer raising his voice says thats right,I am sir.
Whats your last question?
 
A biker riding by the zoo, sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

The lion grabs her, and tries to pull her inside to, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and punches the lion in the nose.

Startled, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her parents, who thank him profusely.

A New York Times, and Washington Post reporter that watched asked, 'Sir, this was the most brave thing we ever saw a man do!'

The biker replies, 'It was nothing, the lion was behind bars, I saw this kid in danger, and acted.'

The reporters say, 'We are journalist for the New York Times and Washington Post, tomorrow you will be front page news. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The following mornings papers read,
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
 
Childern come up with some funny ideas sometimes.

A young child gets on a city bus,and sits down beside a priest reading a book.
The kid notices his collar looks like its on backwards.
So of course he just had to ask, why he had his collar backwards?
He looks up from his book,and tells the kid,I am a Father.

The kid says well my dad is a father,he doesn't wear his collar backwards.
The priest some what amused looked at the youngster saying I am a father of many.
The little boy says well my father has 5 boys,and 2 girls,also 3 grandchildern,but he doesn't wear his collar like you do.

This time the priest was getting kind of ticked off because of this little pest.
With a very stern look,and he says in a louder voice I am a father of hunderds!!

The little boy,got very quite,then after a few minutes shot back at the priest well maybe you should be wearing some portection,and wear your pants backwards,as well as your collar.

This is the end of the story,but I might ad I hope that kid got off the bus right after that remark?
 
Clever Questions

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of
five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to
begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words
'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?
 
Why do people worry about what they eat between Christmas and New Year and not what they eat between New Year and Christmas???


If merchandise goes by see why do they call it Cargo
and when its go by land Shipment????
 
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