WALLY WORLD EMPLOYMEN APPLIKASHUN
Version 2.0 (Thats is your nose picking finger and "the finger" finger for those of you who caint count.)
If you can read this, yor still neded.
Note: figurin yall can read and writ, plaise fill in the applikashun as gudly as you can.
WELCOME
We hare at the Wally World believe in keeping things simpleminded. Fill in this hare applikashun, sign it, and yall is hired. Git 2 et yaheer.
NOTE: Hi Skool, colleg or other gradgeeates or GED holders need NOT APPLY.
Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Jessie James [_] Billy-Joe-Bob [_] Billy-Beth
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Former or Current Occupations (mark all that apply):
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Cross Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician [_]Kmart Employee [_] Goat Roper [_] Bull Rider [_] Prison Guard [_] Inmate [_] Queen [_] Punk [_] Groupie
[_] tree huggie
Education: 1 3 6 7 7 1/2 8 None (Circle highest grade completed)
In Case Of Emergency Contact: (Please note that 911 does not count.)
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet [_] Friend [_] Alien [_]All of the above
Personal Information:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Number of children running free:___
Mother's Name: _______________________(if not sure, guess)
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent or [_] squat in a mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
___ Number of vehicle parts in your front room
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ Truck
____ Kitchen
____ Bedroom
____ Bathroom
____ Shed
____ At work
____ On you
____ In you
Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
Type:______ Colur:______ Size:______
Have you ever been on: (Mark all that apply)
[_] Geroldo
[_] Jerry Springer
[_] Cops
[_] America's Most Wanted
[_] UFO Abductions Report
[_] Dr. Phil
[_] Opra
[_] Salli jesse rafayel
[_] All of the Above
[_] Other (Please Explain)
Have you ever been arrested for the any of the following: (Mark all that apply.}
[_] Drunk In Public
[_] Drunk riding a bisycul
[_] Driving at night with yur lites off while hanging out the winder with a deer rifle.
[_] Having sex with animals at truk stops
[_] Having sex with animals while being drunk in public
[_] Shooting up road signs
[_] You jus woke up ina field.
[_] You woke up in a pink bikini
[_] You don't remember, you just woke up in jail.
[_] huh
[_] All of the above.
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
[_] Lovin Your Relatives
[_] Lovin yer Truck
[_] Soldeer uf 4tune
[_] Husler
[_] Hooters
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
___ Number of times you have been abducted by a UFO
___ Number of times you have been abducted by Elvis
___ Number of times you have been abducted by Elvis after seeing a UFO
___ Number of blurry pictures you took of UFO
___ Number of family members who are aliens
___ Number of family members you and aliens had sex with
Are you an alien? Yes or No
Do you own a mirror? Yes or No
How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable
How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:______________________
How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know
What languages can you speak?
[_] Hill Billy
[_] Red Neck
[_] Hill Billy Red Neck
[_] Ridge Runner
[_] Buck Tooth Coal Miner
[_] Southern French Hill Billy
[_] Eing-go-leash
[_] Other (Please Specify)_________________________
Why do you want to work for the Wal-Mart?
[_] To pick up dumb chicks
[_] To get a discount on bullets
[_] To eat at McDonalds
[_] To steal stuff
[_] To meat other stoopid peeple
[_] All Of The Above
[_] I dont know
[_] huh
If a customer comes up to you and asks you where something is, what do you tell them? (Circle which applies) Correct answers qualifies you for the Management Program.
A. Duh I dont know
B. Tell them to leave you alone
C. Give them a dirty look and go for your gun
D. Shoot them
E. Lick thar face.
F. Spit a gob of chew at their feet
G. Give them precise instruction: Yall wanna head down this haren way until yall come to the gun rack, then make a right and go that way until you comes to the fish in poles. Turn north on eyel 11 just past the tackle boxes and head on up til you comes to the big cross isles. You caint miss it, cause its right there in the middle.
D. All of the Above.
Put Your Name hare:_________________________________
(If you caint spell yur name, mark with a "X"
Wally World employees get a 10% discount on Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, T-shirts, boots, Pork Rains, Chilly Beams, Ammo, fishing stuff, cinder blocks and diepers.
