Off-Topic Joke Thread

[Wrench97]

 

[mud]

A man said:
I won $3 million dollars playing the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $2,999,999.75 dollars.

 

[Wrench97]

 

[Wrench97]

 

[Triplex]

 

[Big Dave]

Did he bring a rug???…

 

[Triplex]

 

[Triplex]

 

[victor93]

I called the incontinence hotline today, they put me on hold

 

[DCM_Doc]

There was a lower level management type who you could count all his friends on fingers of one hand & have fingers left, asked the union steward if he would pee on his grave when he died. The steward told him probably not, he did not like to wait in long lines.

 

[Wrench97]

Wife walks up to her Husband and asks: "Do I look Fat in this dress??"

Husband: "Before I say anything,,, you gotta promise, no matter WHAT I say.... You won't get mad.."

Wife: "Ok.. I promise."

Husband: "I screwed your sister."

 

[Triplex]

 

[Wrench97]

 

[Hookman]

 

[Wrench97]

The cashier told me "Strip down facing me".

By the time I realized she meant the debit card, it was too late.

 

[victor93]

A bunch of rice fell out of my birthday card yesterday.......... must be from uncle Ben

 

[Triplex]

A bunch of rice fell out of my birthday card yesterday.......... must be from uncle Ben

Are you sure, maybe it was a wedding card.

 

[victor93]

Nope, that 42 years ago

 

[Triplex]

Nope, that 42 years ago

I hope for your sake you're smiling as you say that!

 

[victor93]

I hope for your sake you're smiling as you say that!

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change a thing