Off-Topic Joke Thread

We had a problem one night kn the kitchen at home. Wife and I. The lovely domestic slice of heaven got exposed to a form of hell in the reality of poverty expressed by a kitchen that was out of food for us to eat.

It was a sunday evening here and all the stores and eating places were closed.

My bobtail was sitting outside at the end of the gravel pad waiting to go out the next moring by sunrise. Memphis always chewed on my ass about showing up at noon on a monday morning ready to work.

The reason for that was usually FFE Memphis needed until at least noon to put together something for me to DO if I showed up at sunrise from 200 miles away as expected.

I went out to the bobtail and opened a closet in the sleeper. Dug out some food items. Walked back into the house and cooked it. It was not much in terms of portion sizes with the meal.

The sum total was one plate of spagetti, sauce, a bit of Parmesan and a couple chops of traditional french bread off a bakery the previous week. This is not the kind of bakery you had in your town neither. This is a industrial bakery with ovens bigger than our house.

Wife and I was to remember that single plate dinner with it's really desperate attempt to be a spagetti in the traditional down home style that momma used to make was quite a dinner. Made with love.

With a touch of anger at having to scrape so much to put together something for dinner in a town that had nothing on a sunday night. From that incident years ago we always made sure we can feed a tourbus should it pull up for dinner.
Part two.

You would think after such a dinner would be a time of house warming. But oh no. IT does not work that way in married living. I had to sleep on the far corner of the garden shed roof having been chewed up properly verbally for failing to have all that paycheck the previous friday and actually go grocery shopping like I was supposed to have done. But forgot to do for reasons that does not matter anymore.

Except that plate of food.
I offer you this thought.

God made the earth in seven days as laborusly described in Genesis by a language challenged man trying to reduce all the wonderful unknowable complexities of the Universe and beauty of all things in several simple verses of the day.

What he forgot to address was this problem.

How did such a Eden in all the earth get rotating? Well, God was short of help in those 7 days and used a app to swipe right on the completed planet to make it go. Well the earth goes from West to East now. Has been since Genesis.

I hate to be here if HE chooses to delete.
Oh god that grass.

What is it with wife and grass that needs cutting to a inch.

Where we started things off in our first house we were in essentially a forest with a overgrown field that contained all manner of wildlife both good and bad. Some lethal.

Maybe God built Eve to pester Adam to cut grass in Eden or something I dont know.

We have several stores here where for 5000 dollars you can get a armored cutting machine with enough horsepower to bushhog that field in a hour. You also discover just how bad the murrays and sears craftman crap really are against such a field.

Anything larger requires a hay farm. And the tractors and so on to match. Just roll it up a few times a year, make a killing selling to cattle farms.
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