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You Don't Find Many Heroes Like This One !!!

On September 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"


She says, "I'm going to commit *******."


While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a “Be-A-Legend” opportunity either, so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"


So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.


After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey!
That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing *******?"


"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."


It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
 
Your inspirational thought for the day!

Remember, the next time you dislike your life, it's all about perspective.

I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries and has people who want to have sex with him all the time.

And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.
 
The Dead Horse

A young man named Big Dave bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Big Dave’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

BIG Dave replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

BIG Dave said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

BIG Dave said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”

BIG Dave said, “Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month Later, the farmer met up with Dave and asked,
“What happened with that dead horse?”

BIG Dave said, “I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.

The farmer said, “Did anyone complain?”

BIG Dave said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.”
 
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.
The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with seniors!
 

KENNYTHE ROOSTER​


Afarmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks.
So, hegoes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a roosterthat he would sell.
Theother farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, namedKenny.
He'llservice every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Kenny,the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money,
but the farmer decideshe'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kennyhome and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gives therooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've gota lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job.
So,take your time, and have some fun," the farmer said, with achuckle.

Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer pointstoward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM!
Kennynails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and thefarmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion inthe duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, thefarmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once againWHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Kenny out in thefields chasing quail and pheasants.
Thefarmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won'teven last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed andwakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middleof the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet stickingstraight up in the air.
Buzzardsare circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such acolorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh,Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down.Now look what you've done to yourself."

Kenny opens oneeye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says,
"Shhhh. . . . . . . they're getting closer."
 
Jack'sNight Out.

Jack works hard at the plant and spends mostevenings bowling
orplaying basketball at the gym.
Hiswife thinks he is pushing himself too hard,
so forhis birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
Thedoorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Jack! How yadoin'?"
Hiswife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Ohno," says Jack "He's on my bowling team."
Whenthey are seated, a waitress asks Jack if he'd like his usual andbrings over a Bud Light.
Hiswife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"Howdid she know that you drink Bud Light?"
"She'sin the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
Astripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Jack,
startsto rub herself all over him and says "Hi Jack. Want your usualtable dance, big boy?"
Jack's wife, now furious, grabs herpurse and storms out of the club.
Jack follows and spots hergetting into a cab.
Beforeshe can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Jacktries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken himfor someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She isscreaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letterword in the book.
Thecabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Jack.
 
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